The hallway took on a surreal feel – things in his peripheral vision started fading to white, the linoleum seemed to cling to his feet, making moving forward quite difficult. Sound became super attenuated. He could hear the doctor two rooms down clearly discussing a patient’s care, the squeak of a food cart in the next hall, the sound of the nurses chatting at the hub down by the elevators. He was only dimly aware of the sight of his wife, still moving forward, pulling ahead. She paused, then turned back to see what had become of him.
He could hear the kids in the lounge singing the Barney song. Visions of the purple dinosaur swamped his head.
“Sam?” She stepped back toward him.
He lost all awareness of the box he was carrying. It slid from his hands, crashed to the floor.
“Sam!” She rushed back to him, all fret and concern.
She loved that show, he mouthed.
She stooped, scooped up the stuffed animals, soiled PJs, and coloring books.
With tears running down her cheeks she put the box back into his hands, then wrapped an arm around his waist. They leaned into each other.
“Sam, we have to go.”
-
© 2010 by J. M. Strother. All rights reserved.
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like the idea of Barney as a tragic and poignant dinosaur, I have images of him dancing in slow motion montages now.
Wow. So powerful. So crushingly sad. Well told, Jon.
This just hits you in the stomach with such a force. Superbly written.
Wow. This was so not where I expected this story to go, and so much more powerful because of it. Sad though, very sad. Well done.
Beautiful!
Great effects for such word economy, Jon. I’m an ogre and this even got to me in its short lifespan.
You, an ogre? Come on.
~jon
Oh my. Tugged at my heartstrings. So very crushing and sad.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by J. M. Strother, Rammenas blog. Rammenas blog said: Beautiful. I like very short, less is more. RT @jmstro I Love You… my very short #fridayflash is now up on Mad Utopia: http://bit.ly/8YdVT0 [...]
Ouch! This pushed my Sad buttons.
So beautiful and so sad. So much emotion in very little space. Well done. I need a hanky.
Wow, a lot of power in a very short story. I love when someone can pull this off really well. You certainly did here. The mouthing of the words was perfection.
So much heartbreak in the reveal! And using the image of his “mouthing” the words was much more powerful than if he shouted them.
Excellent, Jon.
A heart-breaker. Oh Jon, you’re getting sad. Fortunately for us readers, you’re very good at it ;^) peace…
Sometimes these really short stories have a huge impact, and that is definitely the case with this one. Excellent work. Technically well done too, because these short shorts can be quite difficult to write.
Such a sad reveal… but very nicely done, as always
This was a real heartbreaker, Jon. You unfolded it so well…
This one hits hard and leaves an impression. Well done.
Wow. Just wow. Not what I was expecting. And now I’m going to go kick John Wiswell sharply on the shin for sending me over here on an empty stomach. Ok, maybe not, I have free will after all. Not his fault that he tweeted a recommendation and I ran over to read it.
This was powerful Jon.
Really well done.
Karen :0)
Wow, when an idea hits you, it really hits you! Going to go have a good cry now.
Gorgeous, heartbreaking little tale, Jon. Your description of grief’s physical symptoms was utterly perfect.
Another little jewel, sir.
Excellent job, Jon. Hit’s you right in the gut.
Breathtaking, Jon. Excellent, excellent work.
Thank you all. This one just jumped out at me. Not even sure what struck the spark, but I liked it quite a bit when I finished it up. I’m glad you all liked it too.
~jon
I’m an ICU nurse by trade and I think you really capture the surreal nature of hospitals as institutions hiding all these terrible rite of passage; but also how the real world invades these places and is so devastatingly sad when it does so. Thank you.
wow. great story. very sad. this is not at all what i was expecting from the title.
This starts out so gently, like a caress, and ends as a crushing blow.
This is powerful with so few words.
[...] He could hear the kids in the lounge singing the Barney song. Visions of the purple dinosaur swamped his head. Read on [...]
Well it’s been said, but it can never be said enough – this is so very powerful Jon. Well told.
Very touching.
Oh geez, I read this twice and I’m still gut-punched sad. You must have wept writing it. Well done, Jon, so well done…
Actually, I did a little.
~jon