Caleb stood wide eyed, staring down the barrel of Sheriff Riley Jackson’s shotgun. It was beyond him how Riley got so close without setting off one of his tripwires. But there he was, grinning at him big as life, finger resting easily on the trigger of his Remington 870.
“Morning, Caleb.”
Caleb licked his lips. His eyes darted about as if looking for an out. “Hey.”
“Now, what is all this?” Sheriff Jackson swept the scene in the clearing with the barrel of his shotgun. “You told me you didn’t moonshine anymore.”
“Well, brother, I spoke the God’s honest truth, I swear.” The still belied his words, maintaining its steady beat of drip, drip, drip, as grain alcohol filled the bucket sitting under the tap.
“So, you saying you just stumbled upon this still only moments before I showed up? Is that what you’re saying, Caleb?”
Caleb offered naught but a sheepish grin. “I expect you wouldn’t buy that, would ya?”
Riley centered the shotgun back at Caleb’s chest. “I expect not. Now, real slow like, empty your pockets.”
“I ain’t packing.”
“I’m real glad to hear that, brother, but go ahead and amuse me. Empty your pockets. Slowly.”
Caleb emptied his pockets, laying each item on the ground one at a time.
“Don’t you know cigarettes will kill you?” Riley scolded.
“Something’s gotta. So, how’d you know?” Caleb asked as he finished emptying his pockets.
“Turn around.” He turned around. Sheriff Jackson stepped up behind him and forced him to the ground. He cuffed him and then patted him down.
“Let’s just say a little bird told me. I’m really disappointed with you, Caleb.”
“Hey, times are tough, brother. Christmas is a coming, and I need some quick cash. Becky and the girls deserve something under the tree. And this don’t hurt nobody.”
“Tell that to blind Charles.”
“Hey, not from my stuff! I don’t use old radiators and that kind of crap.”
“It’s against the law, Caleb.” Riley clicked on the safety and commenced smashing the bottles that stood in neat little rows under a poplar tree. Caleb winced as each bottle shattered. Riley then destroyed the still, item by item until all that remained was a ruined heap. He then hauled Caleb to his feet and gave him a little shove to get him moving. “I’ll try and make sure the girls get something under the tree. You know, you put me in a damned awkward position here, Caleb. Momma’s going to be mad as hell, what with me arresting you right before Christmas.”
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Tough call!
Lovely dialogue, horrible choice, nice work!
I loved the twist! Another great story, Jon.
What a choice to have to make! Fabulous dialogue, I can picture them both very clearly
I guess Riley is his brother’s keeper. Sometimes love has to be tough. Good stuff.
Sounds like the moonshine trumped the blood rather than the other way around!
Great twist and wonderful dialogue!
I just thought the label “brother” was slang, or was waiting to read on and find out that they were in a cult. Having them ACTUALLY be brothers was tough. Wonder which one of them will get coal in their stocking?
Nice job!
Karen :0)
Oh, thank goodness it was just the still that Sheriff Riley killed!
Dialogue is rather hard to do and do well.
You have no problem with it!
Very nice ending.
Tough love, brother love. Great story. And I love me a story with a Western feel. Peace, Linda
Great story, Jon. Good dialog, and I loved the ending.
Carol
Another stellar entry, JM! Awesome job with the tone and voice. Excellent pace. I actually heard banjos playing somewhere in the distance.
Fabulous. I love pieces like this.
I also highly enjoyed the dialogue here. It carries the tale well, and the use of very little physical description works. My favorite exchange was:
“Don’t you know cigarettes will kill you?” Riley scolded.
“Something’s gotta.”
I’m not a smoker, but that’s a great response. Is this from real life or did you come up with it in the heat and stillness of typing?
It just seemed like something he’d say. Glad you liked it and hope you’re feeling better.
~jon
Love this Jon! Easy to picture these two. Bless their poor mama’s heart.
I think Momma’s got her hands full with these two.
~jon
Great story, as always. Thanks.
ha! just like civil war boys north vs. south. or football brothers. nice slow drawl on this one jon.
Very nicely told, as always. Excellent pace. Nice dialogue. But dang, Sheriff, couldn’t you have left a bottle or two?
Great stuff! I agree with the others, I love the dialogue. You’ve really painted a rich and funny scene here.
I too winced with the breaking bottles. A great story. What a place to be in… to have to arrest your brother. Tough love!
Always a fan!
~2
Even though I wrote it I winced at the breaking of the bottles too because nothing ticks me off like finding broken glass in the woods.
Glad you liked it.
~jon
Would ya really? right before Christmas? choices…
Well Written
Fantastic first line. I couldn’t stop reading if I wanted to (I didn’t). Even with the addition of “brother” I didn’t see this coming. Oh, that devil moonshine.
Nice story. Paints a picture with just a few paragraphs. Great Technique!
Jon, Great story this week! You can feel the tension between the two men, but you also show the connection they have as brothers when Riley worries about what Mama will do and when he tells Caleb he’ll be sure to get something for the girls for Christmas. That’s a really great finale. Thanks for sharing. ~Olivia
Ha! You gave it away with the word “brother” right at the beginning and I blew right over it. Good one.
My, my, Jon. I keep telling you, you have to stay away from the hard stuff. Brewing moonshine will kill you deader than cigarettes. And I know how much you love to smoke. Great job.
Barb Relyea
Love the twist at the end with just enough hinting to give it full impact. I can’t help but feel for Caleb’s family-the shame about the gifts (whether or not they will be supplied by Riley). The story completely sucked me in.
As long as sheriff does get the girls something nice for christmas. Well told and ditto about the dialogue. Smooth and easy.
Ah, during the story I had thought “brother” was just a form or address between these two. I should have known better. It gave the ending added punch.
Your descriptions were spot-on. I could see the entire scene as it unfolded.
Well done, Jon.
I’d like to be a fly on the wall at a holiday dinner with that family.
Great job!
I like how “brother” could work both ways, even given the title, until “Mother” clarifies the meaning. Fun dialogue. Nice, caring family with troubles.